Friday, November 11, 2011

How do you know she's the one?

Younger people in love have (very occasionally) asked me how one knows when one's current partner is " the one".  This complicated question with a complicated answer too often gets distilled to the unsatisfying answer "you just know".  As unsatisfying as that answer is, it may be the only legitimate summation. 

One indicator that I've identified, however, is this: does working on some project with this person make you like him/her more? We spend the highest volume of time together in marriage trying to get things accomplished.  It's awesome if he/she is fun at parties, but if moving furniture or making a meal or traveling together (a specific but important subset of the working together genre) with your significant other drives you bats and makes you think about breaking up, you're in trouble for the long haul. 

The One, stripping wallpaper in our first house
June 2000

I've been thinking about this post for a long time (said the blogger who went missing for the month of October), and when we raked the first of many bags of leaves we'll rake this fall, Paige and I worked quickly and efficiently. And had a great time doing it.  And even flirted a little.  We've also been on several family trips this month, and that affirmed that we're a good team for packing the bags and the car, managing the boys on the road and navigating to a destination. 

We had a helpful headstart on this important relationship attribute in that we helped each other move in and out of dorm rooms, oh, seven times in college.  We also traveled together in a singing group on tour and found that we kept each other sane no matter what was going on.

As much as I enjoy the time we get to relax and have fun together, it's the time when we're achieving something together that reminds me why she was and still is the one.


Anne H. said...

Very good post Jeff. This is so true. And I'm happy you found each other!

Lauren Jackson said...

Well, I'm reading a bit backwards (from the anniversary post to here), but this blog seems to be turning into a love letter instead of a parenting blog. Way to go!